Sunday, January 20, 2013

tired

do you ever feel like words cost too much & your soul can't get enough sleep? i'm the most exhausted i've ever been...in every way.

i think he's who triggered most of it, being so hollow. the one whose heart got tired & lost its beat. i think his spirit's still here, stuck on its coffin couch and i can hear it sag. he's stepping on my chest, and i'm weary for it. two weeks with the heaviest ending, and none tastes the same afterward. strange.

part of it too is all the running i've done. i've been scrambling from hammock to beachy sand, from old friends to new, & i think all the forging has left me short of breath. 

so, i think the time's come to rest. it's back to hammock & beachy sand, & from new friends to solitude...then eventually back to old friends. i think peru & bolivia have something hiding for me, & i can't wait to have it unravel. just like i had to shave my head, & i had to move to a town i'd never tasted & without any humans i knew, i have to pound my feet in the southern hemisphere, for the first time, with no hands near to hold. the baby steps are getting bigger, but soon they'll lead to a straight spine followed by steps that are sure.

so i guess 2013's decided; it's a year for the found.


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

last year was one for the lost.

i spent one of its thirds lost in the physical sense. like the stranded day on honduran-nicarguan border, too-many-cordoba-short for a place to rest our heads. the first 2012 months were full of wandering, backpack laden & never quite sure where we were on the map.

the other two thirds were lost in the brain sense. like the day i knew i didn't know anymore & i had to pick up & burn a new world; that's how i landed here. i wasn't sure who i wanted to be, but i knew it had to be someone different. durango made that possible.

those three thirds led to last night in the champagne spray & the bluegrass pound & the dancing faces. i was lost again...but the good kind. getting lost in this mountain town crew led me to the miner's tavern, getting geeked out with some of the best this year brought me. it's funny how stomping feet & mushroom grins & high life cans can make you feel whole.

i don't know how i got there, but all i know is i'm glad i was.

with all the lost, i found some of the most beautiful in these last three hundred & sixty-five. like those mexican days of beerberto &  my new taco shop family & neighbor potluck sundays. even when i feel like i'm on a southwestern island far from those who know past me, i beginning to think old me doesn't much matter. i've found love & all i could ever need in each country, town, & bar that have met my feet, regardless of the me i brought to each place.

so whose to say if 2013 will be lost or found? either way, i'll keep burning or at least the world will keep burning me. i'm really starting to believe that i've always been exactly where i was meant; now to see where the coming places will be.