why, why, why

sometimes it's nice to be brought to a new self-perspective, especially when it's a freshly turned 4-year old bringing blinding insight and shoving it unintentionally but no less potently in my abashed face.

there were times when those little humans baffled and frustrated me to the greatest depths of my hard-to-come-by patience (if i even have any at all). with all their incessant questions and an inexplicable inability to understand the world in the accepting manner i at times fall victim to, i made little space for those creatures ranging from recently de-wombed to 10 or so.

but now i find myself to be taking lessons from one meadlowlark preschooler with wisdom greater than most pompously educated phDs or age beaten late-in-lifers with whom i've crossed paths. he keeps showing me that once i surpassed the years that were allowed some bits of imagination, i begin clambering through whatever this thing we refer to as reality might be with cloudy ears and deafened eyes...at least when i don't allow my strangest thoughts to take hold for more than a moment.

those miniature, painstakingly curious humans i once wrote off to be mere children are more often than not the only ones who have yet to succumb to the spell of cheap interpretations and hardly tangible interactions with the world around them. and it's that unyielding,(hopefully but unlikely) immortal desire to make sense of a pocket of the globe that has unknowingly gone mad that should be an indication of brilliance: all of us grown-ups or those of us who like to think of ourselves as such are the ones who should be causing the impatience we so easily bestow on our youngest counterparts. for we are the ones overflowing with half-assed answers to all those "why's" and "how comes?"; we are the ones crumbling our potentially powerful piles of cerebral matter with the inability to challenge and to question and and to truly be human.

i want to start cracking open my increasingly dense skull to start soaking in the leaves and sounds and words and seconds around me in a once known and recently forgotten way; the way of my previously knowledgeable self who i let die somewhere between the days that broke my childlike spirit. i want to let the flames of curiousity lash at the memories that i've let slay the best parts of me so that i can again be seeking out the answers to all of those "how comes?" i previously had no time for. i want to start being a real person again.

kids should be the ones ruling the world.
maybe they could at least find a way to stop tearing everything apart from the inside out.

ebbs & flows

the passing time trickles/gushes/snakes its way through my fingers, taking with it days full of two-year-old smiles, twenty-two-year-old frustrations of incessant paperwork, and moments that seem to disappear along with the steady rush of seconds ticking by. this era is overflowing with hellos, goodbyes, and hasta prontos. i like it, at least on the good days.

i love watching the people i love grow; i love to hear how they're stretching beyond their current known(s). be it boarding an airtight aircraft to begin grain-harvesting on the opposing side of the earth, learning to love & rear your very first and most devastatingly precious baby girl, or turning over a new leaf after being set aflame by your previous path. all of it - big or small, significant or hardly noticed - it is beautiful. and it is from this very beauty that my hungry lungs draw, what keeps each foot chasing after its sister.

as always, i find myself in awe of the glorious humans that make my life full.

"what's crazier: living and even dying for a cause you really believe in, or just running with the rat race until you die?"

adieu

it's so strange the way that along with the passing time pass friends, memories, jobs, loves, experiences, lessons, etc...etc. with each closing chapter, we're faced with yet another set of goodbyes, another rendezvous with the need to fill up the spaces those goodbyes left you with, and another need to reshape/redefine/rethink who we want to be and who we will be with the new people that will eventually fill those new spaces.

i'm trying to come to a place where goodbyes are less of an end, and more of a beginning for the chance of glorious reunions, endless reminiscing, and an opportunity to find new people to love and be loved by. rather than it being a moment of loss, goodbyes can be chances to grow separately, embark on our own adventures, and share with one another what our chosen paths have shown us. rather than greeting the conclusion of yet another season of life with tears and the desire to resist the imminent changes the coming season is sure to bring, instead this season should be welcomed and adored, with an ever-increasing amount of people to share life with.

out with the old (meaning freeing the ones i've come to adore these past 4 years to be who & where they must be for now), and in with the new (meaning homes/adventures/companions/and more.)

breathing in the breeze

sometimes a change of perspective is what we most need. this can mean a reinterpretation of memories of the past that give you some sense of new found peace/freedom. or this can mean taking the hand of your love, the hand promising your feet won't lose their hold on those steep slants of the tiled roof, so that you can stand tall with the trees.

from that very place, that space where it's just you, and me, and the trees and the breeze and that moon...that ever-present, lively moonshine pouring down and wiping our minds clean of all those thoughts/ideas/feelings that when you get down to it, just don't matter. there we both can be pure, there we both can be still and know who and what and where and why we love, why we're waking day after day.

and even though we have to eventually leave this midnight oasis, for now our feet really have left the ground. and as for the ground, it can't steal the moments we just made, the beauty we just shared.