awareness has become the light elluding my eyes, and that which tempts my ever-searching feet. it is the director of balance which my restlessness so desperately screams for, yet today i am baring the yoke loaded with the burden of increased consciousness.
the mind over which i am just now greeting and challenging is rooted deep below the earth of my innermost being, and its reign of terror is the evil i've spent my years trying to expel from my soul. though awareness of its ravenous bite means the potential to finally vanquish the beast, today my tired shoulders sag deeply for carrying its weight these nearly 23 years; it's an exhaustion and devastation of which i've never before explored.
to fully begin divulging the wretched dirt that has for so long marred and concealed the light of my self i adore at distant glimpeses is a task wrought most heartedly of joy, yet salted by anguish raw and unfamiliar. however, my first mind is sure to prevail, though the way may be long and the journey at times steep. but blessed be this new trip of discovery, as its stores of promise mean freedom and light.
Monday, February 20, 2012
cracking my skull
in the steps that my beaten feet have taken, I'm beginning to see increasing levels of balance.
first and foremost, the boiling down of the dream i've created for myself as toxic levels of fear and swelling layers of love. despite my preoccupation of the painful interconnectedness of the fear-love spectrum with Donnie Darko's arch enemies, i've seen the harsh rule my apprehensions have stricken the best of me with throughout my years.
it's so strange that in doing what i found to be so essential in previous eras in conducting self-search, that these very endeavors are the ones that have sealed the sky and constructed forsaken fortresses inhibiting my growth and experience. instead, by silencing what i've claimed are the thousands of bits of characteristics that collectively give rise to my current, past and present selves, i may truly discover my potential and gifts. my restlessness to find my limits creates such obstacles, when what i would best be off doing is flipping my whirling brain into a non-functioning-for-the-moment stage in hopes of greeting my liberated intuition. here, the beauty i''ve always so desired to unearth can be encountered, rather than founded by force and flame.
in essence, love and peace is meant to be felt and enjoyed, rather than what i generally sought as some distant end goal off at the completion of an unknown path on which i must hope to stumble.it's here, it's now, just so long as i have the strength to reach out and be taken hold by it.
first and foremost, the boiling down of the dream i've created for myself as toxic levels of fear and swelling layers of love. despite my preoccupation of the painful interconnectedness of the fear-love spectrum with Donnie Darko's arch enemies, i've seen the harsh rule my apprehensions have stricken the best of me with throughout my years.
it's so strange that in doing what i found to be so essential in previous eras in conducting self-search, that these very endeavors are the ones that have sealed the sky and constructed forsaken fortresses inhibiting my growth and experience. instead, by silencing what i've claimed are the thousands of bits of characteristics that collectively give rise to my current, past and present selves, i may truly discover my potential and gifts. my restlessness to find my limits creates such obstacles, when what i would best be off doing is flipping my whirling brain into a non-functioning-for-the-moment stage in hopes of greeting my liberated intuition. here, the beauty i''ve always so desired to unearth can be encountered, rather than founded by force and flame.
in essence, love and peace is meant to be felt and enjoyed, rather than what i generally sought as some distant end goal off at the completion of an unknown path on which i must hope to stumble.it's here, it's now, just so long as i have the strength to reach out and be taken hold by it.
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