poison

i know there are a lot of things that make you crazy, but i think this is the biggest dose of madness to date.

the one i talked about before, the one with the darkness mask, he was the initial bite. he'd hoped that i'd suffer the symptoms in silence so that his spell could go unnoticed, but instead my whispers of weeping came to a shout.

you always expect those get well cards and bedside talks of things you'll do when the pain subsides. you always hope that those that love you in the light will love you when you get lost in the dark. it's maddening deeper when they spill their own poison into your already toxic days.

i remember deciding the time before to silence my wounds & cover their scars; i knew that truth makes people hide & when you don't let them ignore your pain that they start to show fang and claw. but, there is still that silly hope that there will be those who want to tend your aches & banish you ails. that hope that those who loved you when it was easy won't shy when it gets to be hotter.

this time i chose to suck the poison out of my wounds rather than let it run its course & wreak havoc on my soul. rather than let him continue his bites & forget those he'd blackened, this time i chose to mark the one who stilled my veins & shattered my old smiles & tarnished my me.

but this time, i find my side more empty than full, more hated than loved. they keep saying i've won with all i've lost, but i still am haggard with grief. they may not have loved me but i them & those turned backs & black words have meant more blood of mine spilled. i may have found truth of who would remain when the fire burned strongest, but still i am broken by loss. though the family was a sham, it was a sham i'd clung to & dreamed of & wanted.

though the poison dissipates, so too do those i'd counted as armor and light. though i know i must shirk those too that have thus far shirked me, it still makes tears & ones that ache.

who knew that the world would prefer silence just so things could remain the same. who knew that the world would prefer the darkness mask to live & those broken by him to die. who knew that the world is really as dark as i'd always heard.