i think winter's sneaking into my system, & it's full of shadow.
you know when you're trudging up a mountain and the shade's ten degrees less than the sun? it's funny how sometimes it weighs with all those thoughts you usually hide.
secrets always seem safer in the shadows.
the december still speaks to me the same way it would when colorado winter wasn't dead.
it says the things that my head buries to ignore, but sometimes they crawl out anyway. i've been drifting through those charcoal memories, the kind you're not quite sure happened just because you've tried to believe it for so long.
it'd be easier if they were just bad dreams.
but that's where the overcast mountain's been taking me, back down dark roads i'd rather shy.
it's funny how the past can steal from you if you let it. like how these ones are stealing my sleep & crowding my waking hours. it hurts that they still make me cower like when i was five & eight & nine & nineteen.
luckily the shadows today weren't so dark. he was there to make my mouth-corners look up sometimes. maybe the shade isn't big enough to grab me when i don't get swallowed up alone. maybe it's easier to choose sadness when it's just two feet instead of four. those books with my memories make me shake, i hope they'll keep their distance.
i hope the heavy shade will stay away too, i can't carry it's burden much farther.
No comments:
Post a Comment