they keep saying this is mine to make or break. they keep saying i have reign & i choose what it all means, in the end at least.
today that sounds like empty sound to slow me from drowning.
today it feels like the bullshit hurricane that's been tearing me for months.
today...
i don't want to hear it.
after all those attempts to abandon, after all those shamble episodes, i finally claimed my fate and was waiting my soul trial along with his.
i was ready for the question snare & the ugliness & the crush. i was ready to burn along with all my sisters before me so someday we wouldn't be destroyed by body to maintain our soul cage. i was ready make those eyes face what they'd done & to bury them to rot for it.
but then his brother took stage to cram my words back to dark. he says he wants to save me from them being twisted and shot through me, but he's just too weak to stand the fight.
i'm sick to my bones of being destroyed & swallowed & ignored.
i'm gathering the wind & the fire & this truth is going to burn.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Sunday, December 8, 2013
bells
i said that winter's blooming. it looks like petals un-
folding.
& the summer ice ignored that teeth cold & the melt's begun its settle.
the volume was too low before, but now i hear winter's spring soundtrack.
you know the pretty bells that make soul lose gravity sense?
that's how this season's season rings to me.
maybe i can carry that with me & that march drawl won't bring me crashing back down.
i like this new soar.
folding.
& the summer ice ignored that teeth cold & the melt's begun its settle.
the volume was too low before, but now i hear winter's spring soundtrack.
you know the pretty bells that make soul lose gravity sense?
that's how this season's season rings to me.
maybe i can carry that with me & that march drawl won't bring me crashing back down.
i like this new soar.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
loved
this year's day swallowed by nutmeg & thyme scooped my heart clean. it made my chest glow with the warmth that's been so far & few.
it made me think of that day. that day that kept me in bed for months, that day that wrote all those pages with nothing & everything to say. that day i thought i could never face, but gave me freedom beyond death.
it made smile when i realized since the dust settled may 2nd, & how the world puzzle no longer fit, that i finally could wake & be glad to see another day rise.
it made me remember that tainted warm i found that day in the courthouse; the best/worst, the loved/hated day, when my back was straighter than his.
& knowing the straight came from the man who made half me, and the woman that made half him, and the stranger who made sense of my anxious freeze, & the rest who swelled while my throat burst & truth finally stabbed his false.
they always said someday there'd be light that'd outweigh the shadow, and that thankful day made me see it's crest.
i remember her telling me about the seeds, how the pretty ones can't make it in the desert. the haggard seeds are the survivors; they don't faint with the heat blaze or the weeks where clouds drift but never shed.
i think i might be one of the ugly seeds. my water dried & my roots shrank & my leaves browned, but still i remain. & once the heaviest months were left for dead, i've begun my first winter bloom.
the rug being stolen from underfoot was this years gift. i penned on the first that 2013 was the year of the found, & it's proven true. my gritty, unwavering being outlasted the windy side & i know i'll remain.
i found it & no one can steal it. even him, with his story & this tangled web. my voice is unearthed and it won't be stifled.
that's something to be thankful for.
it made me think of that day. that day that kept me in bed for months, that day that wrote all those pages with nothing & everything to say. that day i thought i could never face, but gave me freedom beyond death.
it made smile when i realized since the dust settled may 2nd, & how the world puzzle no longer fit, that i finally could wake & be glad to see another day rise.
it made me remember that tainted warm i found that day in the courthouse; the best/worst, the loved/hated day, when my back was straighter than his.
& knowing the straight came from the man who made half me, and the woman that made half him, and the stranger who made sense of my anxious freeze, & the rest who swelled while my throat burst & truth finally stabbed his false.
they always said someday there'd be light that'd outweigh the shadow, and that thankful day made me see it's crest.
i remember her telling me about the seeds, how the pretty ones can't make it in the desert. the haggard seeds are the survivors; they don't faint with the heat blaze or the weeks where clouds drift but never shed.
i think i might be one of the ugly seeds. my water dried & my roots shrank & my leaves browned, but still i remain. & once the heaviest months were left for dead, i've begun my first winter bloom.
the rug being stolen from underfoot was this years gift. i penned on the first that 2013 was the year of the found, & it's proven true. my gritty, unwavering being outlasted the windy side & i know i'll remain.
i found it & no one can steal it. even him, with his story & this tangled web. my voice is unearthed and it won't be stifled.
that's something to be thankful for.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)