loved

this year's day swallowed by nutmeg & thyme scooped my heart clean. it made my chest glow with the warmth that's been so far & few.

it made me think of that day. that day that kept me in bed for months, that day that wrote all those pages with nothing & everything to say. that day i thought i could never face, but gave me freedom beyond death.

it made smile when i realized since the dust settled may 2nd, & how the world puzzle no longer fit, that i finally could wake & be glad to see another day rise.

it made me remember that tainted warm i found that day in the courthouse; the best/worst, the loved/hated day, when my back was straighter than his.

& knowing the straight came from the man who made half me, and the woman that made half him, and the stranger who made sense of my anxious freeze, & the rest who swelled while my throat burst & truth finally stabbed his false.

they always said someday there'd be light that'd outweigh the shadow, and that thankful day made me see it's crest.

i remember her telling me about the seeds, how the pretty ones can't make it in the desert. the haggard seeds are the survivors; they don't faint with the heat blaze or the weeks where clouds drift but never shed.

i think i might be one of the ugly seeds. my water dried & my roots shrank & my leaves browned, but still i remain. & once the heaviest months were left for dead, i've begun my first winter bloom.

the rug being stolen from underfoot was this years gift. i penned on the first that 2013 was the year of the found, & it's proven true. my gritty, unwavering being outlasted the windy side & i know i'll remain.

i found it & no one can steal it. even him, with his story & this tangled web. my voice is unearthed and it won't be stifled.

that's something to be thankful for.